Change the name of the game

- "So that double standards dumb-ass that you call friend is giving you hell!"

- "Please don't call him so"

- "Honey that's what you call him when you aren't drowning in your tears like you are now"

- "I hate him and I hate you"

- "So if you are that angry, just go tell him you are angry there is no use bottling up your anger"

- "I will not tell him I am angry. When I tell him I am angry and I keep blaming him, what I am actually doing is giving him a chance to pretend to be the patient person who puts up with my ranting. Then, he would throw in a half hearted apology that he thinks would wipe the slate clean."

- "That's not enough for you, huh?"

- "No, it is not enough. I don't blame and cry and get the drama queen out to get the same attitude. I want an amended attitude."

- "But sweetheart, you are wasting your energy. You can't change the people to suit your preferences."

- "I am not."

- "You want an amendment. That is a change in its essence."

- "But I want things to go back to how they used to."

- "Nothing remains the same. But if you want a change so bad, you have got to make a decision to change them yourself. Change the name of the game."

- "Or maybe I should end it. It is better to have no game."

هذه المرة

هذه المرة و أنت تهجرني لن تنهمر دموعي

كنت تشكو إلي مني كما هي عادتك القبيحة

هذه المرة لن أسعى لمنعك سأتركك لتذهب و لن تجد عشرات الرسائل مني تسألك عما أغضبك و لا رسالة واحدة تطلب مغفرتك

هذه المرة لن أعلن عن حزني لن يكون الأسود لون ملابسي الوحيد

لن أؤجل حفل عيد ميلادي حتى تعود. سأقف و أطفئ شمعة أخرى في عمري. و أحزن على عام أخر أمضيت أيامه إلى جوارك

ربما أبكي و أندم على أني انتظرت منك أن ترضى بما قسم الله لنا. ربما أقول لك ما كتمت طويلا. ربما أسألك لما لم تفعل شيئا !

لماذا ساقتك قدامك لتجد الأمان مع غيري ؟ لما تركت الحال على ما هو عليه و سعيت لترتاح بين ذراعي أخرى ؟

تراني أمي حائرة فتسأل عنك دون تردد ثم تلوموني و تتهمني بيتدليلك

لا أجد عزاء في صورنا سويا لكني أنظر إليها كأنها عمري كله

أتألم لفراقك كثيرا وكأني فقدت أسرتي بأكملها أو كأني فقدت طفلي حتى من فقدن أطفالهن يبقى لديهن الأمل

أتعرف ما الأمل؟ أم أنك تجمعه مع باقي أغراضك وانت تجهل ماهيته؟

Your First Breath

He touches my face again, I know he is going to do it again and that it will hurt like hell.

"Come on, don't be scared. You know very well that no one dies out of this."

His hand slides to my neck and now his thumb and his index squeeze my neck.

"You know that the first breath you will take, after I release, will feel good." He whispers.

I don't resist, cause I have grown accustomed to not resisting his madness and foolishness. After all, my silence was perhaps an approval of his second attempt to bring me joy.

He finally lets go of my neck, "Feels good, right?"

I just nodded: "Yes, feels good cause I needed the air so bad."

And that's the story of us, he holds or releases me whenever he sees appropriate. With my needs irrelevant, he only gives when he things receiving would be the maximum joy I could experience.